I have a friend who has longed for marriage. Longed may be too soft of a word as her angst has been all-consuming and devastating at times. I’ve watched her date and get her hopes up and then be dashed as it didn’t work out for one reason or another. As she hit her 40th birthday, the possibility of marriage seemed even more out of reach.
I spoke with her this week and she has met and is solidly dating “the one.” Everything fell into place, all feels right and it’s like nothing she has experienced before. God’s timing. Not when she was 20, or 30 … had to be 40. God’s timing.
So it got me thinking, and I found this great letter online. Gives some good food for thought.
I do have to mention here. When I divorced at age 40, I was pretty content. No desire to remarry. No real longing, definitely no angst. But, of course, God has a sense of humor here as well. I had no desire to remarry but He had other plans. I met my second husband and we have done some amazing ministry together. God’s plan – not mine.
I guess the bottom line is: not ALL singles desire to be married or attached, not all divorced individuals want to jump into the ring again. Whether you want to be partnered in the future or not, it is always good to remember that God uses us now, God uses us in the future. God uses us single, God uses us married.
God. Uses. Us.
Dear Single Christian,
Before I begin, no matter what circumstance you are in we need to remember that God is good. The God we serve is a good God, and He is a giver of good gifts (James 1:17). No matter what our situation, or how we find our life, we need to remember that God is good all the time.
Just because life isn’t going how we wanted it or envisioned it, does not change the fact that our God is good. God is good all the time. Cling to who He is!
Be content in all seasons of life
Life is made up of seasons and some seasons last longer than others. Only the Lord knows if you are going to get married. I wish I could say I knew for sure you are but the truth is I don’t. In today’s season, the Lord wants to use you as a single person, we don’t know if or when the Lord will change this season but you are called to glorify Him and to be content.
Learn to have joy through this, and embrace singleness. This is a time in your life that you can be solely dedicated to the Lord. You can do things that married people can’t (and to clarify I am not talking about sinful things, but rather you have more time to devote to His services, get involved in different ministries, etc.).
We all need to find contentment in the Lord no matter what season of life we find ourselves. As people, we are so impatient and we so want something more, but it is time we realize that God is enough for us in each season and we are to find our satisfaction in Him alone.
If you aren’t content in Him as a single person, you won’t be content as a married person. Learn to be grateful for today and the blessings of this precious season.
Marriage isn’t the answer to your struggles
Sin is sin and if you struggle with it before you get married, you will struggle with it after you are married. Sin does not magically disappear when you put a wedding band on. In fact, the ramifications of sin can be really big once you are married.
If you struggle with porn (written or visual) as a single person you will struggle with that sin as a married person. Take this season to work on you, work on your areas of weakness so that the Lord can use you even more. Give your hidden areas over to the Lord, get accountable, repent, seek out counsel, since it will be a lot less hurtful now than waiting to deal with it in marriage. Deal aggressively with sin. Remember that the Lord despises sin.
Please do not compromise.
I know you have a desire to be married. I know it can be hard especially when it feels like everyone is married but please do not settle and become unequally yoked as it warns us in 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Stay committed to the Lord and don’t let that desire overtake your desire to serve and worship the Holy God. Don’t settle for just anyone. Following God is worth giving up everything, even if it is your dream from childhood and I don’t say that lightly.
Church needs to talk about singleness properly
I want to apologize for the times you have been made to feel less of a spiritual person or less of a person because of your marital status by the church. I want you to know that we need you in the body of Christ. You aren’t single because you are lacking, or have less faith, or not as strong of a Christian.
I remember I had a leader once tell me that I wasn’t ready for a husband and that is why God hadn’t brought a husband for me. I was really hurt by those words. Especially, when I saw 19-year-olds getting married, sure at 25 (a university graduate, a world traveler, I was way less ready then them.)
No!! The truth is that God has a plan. And for some He has marriage at a young age, others it is later in life and others are to remain devoted solely to Him. It isn’t because you aren’t ready or less of a Christian rather God has a plan for to bring His glory. He knows what is best.
In the church we have done a horrible job of reaching out to the singles in our midst, there have even been many unbiblical sermons saying that marriage or having children is the higher calling. That is not true. In 1 Corinthians 7:8, Paul tells us the unmarried “that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” Paul didn’t get married and he was able to fulfill the call of God on his life. Our salvation is not based on our marital status or how many children we bear, or who you are; it is based in Christ alone.
If you are struggling with being single, I don’t want you to feel ashamed. I want to ask you to approach families in your church, do not isolate yourself. I know it isn’t easy, but the truth is that we are all struggling with something but you don’t need to do it alone.
Seek godly counsel from older women/men and families and let them embrace you and walk with you through your journey of life. The Christian faith is not meant for us to do it as lone rangers.
In Him,
Gen
Genevieve Wilson is a happily married stay at home, home-schooling mum of 3, whose passion is to see people come to know Jesus. She is a seminary wife to her amazing husband and has worked 8 years as a missionary with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). She has a heart for justice.
Genevieve Wilson’s previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/genevieve-wilson.html