Now there’s a thought!
This is a singles newsletter, after all, so let’s talk about something that doesn’t always get much attention. What if you’re single—and perfectly happy about it?
When I divorced, I was 40 years old, incredibly busy with my career, and quite content being on my own. I’d spent eight years in a marriage that wasn’t meant to be, and frankly, being alone felt pretty darn good.
I loved my work. I had friends. I was a relatively new Christian and genuinely excited about this whole God thing.
I’m not saying life was wonderful. A lot—and I mean A LOT—was going on. But being single? That wasn’t one of my problems.
And that’s what makes singleness such an interesting subject.
The Great Marriage Assumption
There’s an unwritten rule that if you’re single, you must be looking for someone. Preferably with enthusiasm, determination, and perhaps a subscription to three dating websites.
It’s as though being single is a temporary condition that needs to be corrected.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“Have you met anybody?”
“Don’t worry. God has someone out there for you!”
Well, maybe He does. And maybe He doesn’t. Either way, why do we assume everyone is searching for a mate?
If you genuinely want to be married, wonderful! I sincerely pray that happens for you.
If you’re open to a relationship but perfectly content without one, that’s wonderful, too.
And if you have absolutely no interest in getting married again—or ever—good for you!
Your life isn’t incomplete simply because you don’t have someone sitting beside you on the couch. (Although a dog is great!)
Sometimes, singleness gets treated like the participation trophy in the game of life. You showed up, gave it your best shot, but didn’t quite make the winning team.
What a ridiculous way to look at it.
Marriage isn’t the grand prize, and singleness isn’t the consolation prize. Both have blessings, responsibilities, challenges, and opportunities. And God cares about how we live in either one.
Interestingly, when my second husband came swooping into my life, I had absolutely zero interest in a relationship. He asked me out a couple of times. I believe I may have rolled my eyes.
Eventually, I gave him a tentative yes.
Twenty-five years later, here we are.
Apparently, God had plans I hadn’t bothered to put on my calendar.
But that’s another story.
Singleness Isn’t a Waiting Room
One of the biggest mistakes we make is treating our single years as though we’re waiting for our real lives to begin.
Waiting to get married. Waiting to have someone to travel with. Waiting to buy a house. Waiting to feel complete.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
But what if God never intended for us to spend those years waiting?
What if He intended for us to actually live them?
In 1 Corinthians 7:7–8, the apostle Paul describes both marriage and singleness as gifts from God and even encourages some believers to remain unmarried.
Now, that’s not something you hear every day!
Paul wasn’t suggesting marriage was bad. He was pointing out that singleness has advantages of its own.
And those advantages are worth considering.
- Appreciate the Freedom
Let’s start with something practical.
When you’re single, you generally have more freedom to make decisions without coordinating your life with a spouse.
Want to take a spontaneous weekend trip? Go!
Want to spend Saturday in your pajamas reading a book? Nobody’s stopping you.
Want to rearrange the furniture at midnight? Have at it.
Of course, being single doesn’t mean having no responsibilities. Jobs, children, aging parents, and countless obligations can fill a calendar pretty quickly.
But there is a certain independence that comes with not having to consider a spouse in every decision.
In 1 Corinthians 7:32–35, Paul describes how unmarried believers may have opportunities for more undivided devotion to God.
Marriage brings wonderful opportunities to love and serve another person. Singleness can bring flexibility to serve God, pursue meaningful work, build friendships, and explore interests.
Neither life is automatically better. They’re simply different.
Instead of focusing on what you might be missing, why not appreciate what you have?
- Find Contentment Without Giving Up Your Dreams
What if you really do want to get married?
What if you enjoy being single but still long for someone to share your life with?
Does that mean you’re not content?
Not at all.
In Philippians 4:11–13, Paul explains that he has learned to be content in all kinds of circumstances.
Notice that word: learned.
Apparently, contentment didn’t come naturally to Paul either. I find that rather encouraging.
Contentment doesn’t mean you have everything you want or that you stop dreaming, hoping, or praying for something different.
It means appreciating the life God has given you today, even while hoping tomorrow might look different.
You can want to be married and still enjoy being single.
You can appreciate your independence and occasionally wish someone else would take out the trash.
You can love your life and still have moments when loneliness sneaks in.
Those feelings aren’t contradictions. They’re part of being human.
The danger comes when we convince ourselves that happiness is waiting somewhere in the future.
I’ll be happy when I meet someone.
I’ll be happy when I get married.
I’ll be happy when my circumstances change.
But happiness has a funny way of moving the finish line.
And marriage doesn’t magically solve every problem. I learned that lesson the hard way. My loneliest times were in my first marriage.
Our deepest contentment comes from knowing God is with us right where we are, not just where we hope to be someday.
- Build a Life You Love
I have a friend who always says, “Get up, dress up, and show up!”
I love that.
Whether you’re temporarily single, long-term single, or happily planning to stay single forever, life is happening right now.
Don’t sit on the sidelines waiting for someone to invite you into it.
Take the trip. Join the class. Volunteer. Learn something new. Invite friends over. Find a hobby. Get involved in your community.
And for goodness’ sake, don’t wait for someone else to take you to dinner. Take yourself!
God has given each of us gifts, abilities, interests, and opportunities. Those things don’t suddenly become valuable when we get married.
They’re valuable right now.
And so are you.
- Find Your People
One of the greatest challenges of singleness can be loneliness.
Notice I said can be.
Being single and being lonely are not the same thing. I’ve known married people who were terribly lonely and single people whose lives overflowed with friendship and connection.
I’ve experienced both.
We all need people. Not necessarily a spouse, but people who know us, care about us, encourage us, and occasionally tell us when we’re being ridiculous.
That’s one of the beautiful things about the church.
In Mark 10:29–30, Jesus speaks about the family and community found among those who follow Him.
The church was never meant to be a gathering of married couples with a few singles scattered around the edges. It’s meant to be a family of believers, sharing life and faith together.
We need people who pray with us, laugh with us, challenge us, and walk beside us through difficult seasons.
And just as importantly, we need to be those people for others.
Jesus tells us in John 13:34–35 to love one another as He has loved us.
That calling doesn’t come with a marital-status requirement.
Sometimes the richest relationships in our lives aren’t romantic at all. They’re friendships built over years of showing up for one another.
- Stop Comparing Your Life to Someone Else’s
Comparison is a sneaky little thief.
We look at married couples and imagine their lives must be happier, more secure, or more fulfilling.
We see anniversary pictures, romantic vacations, and smiling couples on Facebook and assume they’ve discovered some secret ingredient to happiness.
Of course, nobody posts pictures of the argument they had on the way to dinner.
And married people can fall into the same trap, looking at their single friends and envying their independence and freedom.
The grass always looks greener from the other side of the fence.
But every life comes with blessings and burdens.
Marriage isn’t perfect. Singleness isn’t perfect. Neither guarantees happiness.
God hasn’t asked us to live someone else’s life. He’s asked us to be faithful with the one He’s given us.
James 1:17 reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes from above.
Sometimes we’re so busy looking for the gift we wish we had that we overlook the ones already sitting in front of us.
Single, Not Incomplete
I look back at those years after my divorce and realize how important they were.
I was growing in my faith, learning about myself, developing friendships, building my career, and discovering what mattered most.
Was everything perfect? Absolutely not.
But those years weren’t wasted. They weren’t simply a bridge between my first marriage and my second.
They were a meaningful, valuable, God-given part of my life.
And I wouldn’t dismiss them simply because my circumstances eventually changed.
You don’t have to be searching for marriage to have a purpose. You don’t have to be married to be complete. And you don’t have to apologize for enjoying your single life.
If marriage is something you desire, pray about it. Be open to it. Pursue it wisely.
If you’re happy being single, enjoy it! Make the most of the opportunities it brings.
And if you’re somewhere in between, that’s perfectly fine, too.
God isn’t waiting for your relationship status to change before He can use you, bless you, or work through you.
He’s already doing those things.
So don’t spend so much time looking toward the next chapter that you forget to enjoy the one you’re living.
Get up. Dress up. Show up.
And live your life.
Because single isn’t another word for unfinished.