Last newsletter, I shared some thoughts on the mind of a woman. Simply stated, a woman’s mind is very complex, and yet not that complicated to explain. A woman thinks about everything, all the time. That’s it. A woman’s mind is like having four thousand six hundred and twenty-four different windows open on your computer at the same time.
When I told Pastor Terry that this week’s follow-up blog would be on the heart of a man, he laughed and asked who would write it – me or him? Well, me.
So, the Heart of a Man
(from a woman’s perspective, give or take)
So, in current society, women are told to be strong; yet, God wired women to seek love; yet, we live in a complex world. Women are leaders, opinionated, independent, open our own doors, and have our own money.
So, what about men? Biblical perspective suggests that God “wires” men to be leaders and providers, calling them to take responsibility, protect, and serve others. This includes industry, building up society, and advancing God’s kingdom. It also emphasizes the importance of sacrificial love, integrity, accountability, and courage in fulfilling their roles. Simple right?
And here’s the catch – we live in a fallen world. So, do all the things above (responsibility, protect, serve, integrity, accountability, etc.) but with the constant pull of sin.
There is a bit of a masculinity crisis in the modern world. Many men today find themselves in the peculiar position of having no real clue what Biblical masculinity looks like. And frankly, it is not their fault. A lot of men did not have fathers, grandfathers, pastors, mentors, or godly men in their life as they were growing up, so they have little to no vision of what that even looks like.
This whole thing makes me think of the Sunday school flannel graph. Are men supposed to act like the Jesus of the flannel graph, floating around in pale blue robes, petting sheep and teaching children, OR the Jesus of the Book of Revelation, a powerful and awe-inspiring Jesus Christ, emphasizing his ultimate authority, divine power, and victorious nature?
The answer is yes, to both.
Simply, God has wired men to be Godly. The heart of a man is to love God, first and foremost.
But a man is also called to serve others. We do not live to serve ourselves. We live to serve others, like Jesus, who came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45).
You will know how well you have matured as a man by how selfless you have become.
What’s a biblical view of manhood and womanhood? Toss out this bomb of a question in your next Bible study, and you’ll likely see it explode into a vast array of cultural stereotypes. Men like sports and adventure, while women like to talk and nurture children. Men are protectors and providers, while women are homemakers. Women are emotional, while men are not emotional — as if lust and anger aren’t emotions.
But there we go again: Men are more prone to lust and anger. Is this in the Bible? Are predispositions toward lust and anger biologically determined realities for men, or just culturally shaped assumptions? Or both?
Take King David, for instance. David is often seen as a manly man when he heroically opposed Goliath and took him down with a stone before chopping off his head and carrying it twenty miles to Jerusalem. Manly man! But what about when David was sitting on a hilltop playing his harp, weeping, and writing poetry while his brothers were off at war? Was the artistic David masculine?
The fact is, true men in the Bible cry, are tender and called to be tenderhearted, and are profoundly emotional and relational beings. They are called to turn the other cheek, to love—not kill—their enemies, to weep with those who weep, to raise up and teach their children, to be sensitive and kind and peacemakers, and to embody many other virtues not typically considered masculine by our culture.
We are not born “blank slates” with different anatomy, made masculine or feminine by our social environment alone. The fact is, men are more aggressive than women on average; men are more prone to commit violent crimes than women; women are less sexually promiscuous than men; women are more nurturing and agreeable than men. These are statistical and biological facts, not simply byproducts of our cultural upbringing.
These general differences are good; David’s defeat of Goliath was good. But so are the exceptions, the traits that are more typical of the opposite sex but not exclusively required.
If we come full circle, the Bible actually resonates deeply with what we see in the science of sex differences. We see plenty of examples of biologically based differences on a general level in Scripture. We also see beautiful space for the exceptions—the military-leading Deborahs and the tent-peg-wielding Jaels. David was male and masculine, both when he was strumming his harp and when he was fighting Goliath.
My husband has been doing Men’s Fraternity study: Authentic Manhood for just over four years. He and a group of four other men meet by zoom every Saturday morning.
The list of topics they have covered is far and broad, from what it means to be a biblical man to goal setting in spiritual disciplines, physical health, and emotional well-being. At times, he also comes to me with a list of relational questions and quizzes.
This group allows these men to have accountability partners where they can share their struggles, receive encouragement, and be held responsible for their goals.
The value of a group like this is the ability to touch in weekly with the other men as well as maintaining an active study of God’s Word and how He asks us to live.
Ephesians 5:15-16, NIV “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
Biblical masculinity, in essence, is about a man aligning his life with the character and teachings of Jesus Christ, emphasizing qualities like love, humility, service, and strength. It’s not about conforming to societal norms of masculinity but rather striving to embody Christ-like character and leadership in all aspects of life. This includes taking responsibility, providing for and protecting one’s family, and leading with humility and courage.
So, back to men. How do you evaluate yourself in light of the biblical definition of real manhood? Where are you succeeding as a man right now, in regards to your biblical calling as a man?
And, where are you struggling or failing as a man right now?
While women consistently think about the here and now. The details of what is currently or will shortly happen, men are plagued by the future and their legacy.
- How do I want to be remembered by those who knew me?
- Am I using my spiritual gifts in an effective way for the glory of God?
- In what way am I leaving my mark on this world?
- Am I a good steward of finances, planning for the future, and practicing generosity?
- Am I protecting those I am responsible for?
In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul says: “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
When Paul says be on the alert, he is talking to men who were tasked with protecting the church. Their job was to be on constant alert to attacks that could come in and damage Jesus’ bride. And because they were men, not selfish but selfless, they spent the necessary time and energy to look out for the needs of the group instead of the needs of themselves. This is how men protect the things that matter to them, by directing their energies to protecting them.
As a father, you teach children how to think Biblically, you help them make wise choices and pursue Christ in all they do. You are the one who is safeguarding their little souls and teaching them how to raise up the next generation of leaders and worshippers in Christ’s Church!
As a husband, your responsibility to your wife includes to love her, listen to her, care for her, and point her to the Gospel. You are the one who looks after the property and make the necessary provisions to care for your family.
A man who does not protect, provide, and is not on the alert for his family, friends, or the ones he loves is not serving well. Men are the pastors of their homes. They are accountable to God for both their relationship with God and their families.
You, our men, are called to have a life and a relationship with God that is worth imitating by every member of your family. You are called to love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your mind, and all of your strength. And while you are learning and striving in that, you are called to love your closest neighbor on earth – your bride – with the same and even better love that you give to yourself. You are called to invest in her, lead her, show her Christ in your life, open the Scriptures with her regularly, grab her hands and pray with her when she is anxious, listen to her interests, sacrifice for her, and point her to the only one who loves her more than you, and that is Jesus.
This of course, reminds all of us, not only of what it means to be men, but also of the perfect man, Jesus Christ. Who loved us while we were His enemies. Who put our needs above His own, while dying on a cross that bore our name. He loved us with an immutable kind of love and called us to pick up our crosses and imitate Him in the way we love and care for others.
Men, your goal in life is not you. Your goal in life is to love and serve Jesus, by also loving the people around you like Jesus. That is what it means to be a man, and that is the kind of consistent, Biblical, godly men that we need now more than ever! Whether you are a husband, father, or single with no children, you are called to serve those around you. This can include family and friends, or those God puts in front of you. Serve.
And, remember, God sees you. He knows where we are and the burdens we carry. He sees us, and if we open our eyes and our hearts, we will see Him, even in the most ordinary places and in the most ordinary things.
Until next time, God bless you!
Deb Bostwick
Singles Blogger